|
|||||||||||
 |
Healthy You Archives |
Raising a Family
When Life Ends Before It BeginsPainful emotions are normal for parents grieving the loss of a baby A place to rememberEllen and John Martignetti (at right) with their children (l-r) Daniel, Audrey and Bryan enjoy the memorial bench and garden recently dedicated at Lehigh Valley Hospital to families grieving the loss of a baby. With them is perinatal-loss nurse Kay Schwalm, R.N.How to Comfort a Grieving ParentIf someone you know has lost a child, resist the urge to try to cheer him or her up. Comments such as, “You’re still young, you can have other children” can sting. Instead, simply say, “I’m here” and listen. Often, holding a hand as your friend or loved one talks and cries is the best comfort you can give. For more suggestions, click here or visit our Bereavement Support group .At 11 weeks, a problem developed with the placenta. Then at 24 weeks, Martignetti’s amniotic fluid began leaking. Her specialists tried to prevent labor until the baby’s lungs were better-developed, but they had to deliver little Kurtis at just over 27 weeks. He died within a day. “It’s the deepest sadness I’ve ever felt,” Martignetti says. “I’ve never cried so much in my life, to the point where I couldn’t breathe.” Fortunately, such tragedies are rare today thanks to the advent of ultrasound, which allows doctors to detect and plan for many fetal abnormalities. The risk for stillbirth—babies who die in the womb after 20 weeks, from causes such as infection, cord or placenta problems, low fluid and premature labor—is well under 1 percent. That doesn’t make it any easier for parents like the Martignettis. “Losing a baby is like losing a spouse, parent or sibling," says maternal fetal (high-risk childbirth) specialist, Wayne Hess, M.D., at Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Newwork. Grieving parents experience a range of emotions including guilt, anger, sadness and fear. Grief may grip them at the very sight of baby clothes in a department store. Some parents blame themselves, or worry about the safety of their other children. “Whatever you feel is OK,” says Hess’ colleague, perinatal loss nurse Kay Schwalm, R.N. “Everyone grieves differently.” She offers this advice: Welcome your baby. “Losing a newborn means saying goodbye before you’ve had a chance to say hello,” Schwalm says. Ask a friend, family member or nurse to record information you wish to remember, such as the baby’s height, weight and unique features. Name your baby, take a photo, and save mementos such as footprints, a baby book, blanket and clothing. Create a memorial. Periodically visiting a gravesite, a tree planted in your child’s memory or the location where you sprinkled your baby’s ashes keeps the memory alive. You also may find comfort in writing letters to your child. Communicate with your spouse. Husbands and wives tend to mourn differently. Try to honor one another’s grieving style, and seek counseling if needed. For Ellen Martignetti, Mother’s Day and other holidays during what would have been Kurtis’ first year of life were the hardest. After that, the couple began trying to conceive, and two years later welcomed a healthy baby girl. “We wanted to have more children because there was this awful void,” Martignetti says. “Not that a child would replace Kurtis. We still miss him. We have four children, not three—we just don’t have one of them with us.”
Want to Know More? For information about a support group for grieving parents or for suggested reading after the loss of a baby , click above. This page last updated 2/12/08 04:08 PM
ARTICLE TOOLS:
|
 March April 2006 Eating Healthy
Staying Fit
Caring for Mind and Body
Just for Women
Just for Men
Raising a Family
Heart of Healthy You
Protecting Your Health
Coping with Illness
Aging Well
Keeping Up to Date
Weight Control
|
|
||||
|
|
|
||||||
